The Thing About Your Life Is…
Nobody hands you a manual. You have no idea which choices are right or wrong. Sometimes you figure them out after making them —sometimes a decade later.
That’s what happened to me.
I spent years following other people’s advice on what life “should” look like. One day, I woke up and realized:
The life I was living was perfectly designed… just not for me.
The “Ideal Life” Lie
I’m 33. At this age, society assumes your life should look like this:
- Married, with one or two
- A nice house, a decent car
- A stable job with low stress and good pay- If you’re Ceo That’s even better!
- Some friends, a few vacations, a couple of charity events
Boom. Happiness unlocked. Right?
Well, no. Those rules don’t make sense for everyone.
The Moment of Enlightenment
It wasn’t a lightning bolt moment. It took years.
Trying new things, failing, learning, reflecting—eventually, I realized I didn’t even know who I was. And here’s the wild part:
Most people don’t.
You’re Not Who You Think You Are
Believe it or not, the “you” in your head is usually a reflection of other people’s voices. What they said to you, how they treated you, what they expected from you—it slowly shapes you. More than you think. And one day, you accept that version as yourself.
Unless you check in with who you actually are, you risk living someone else’s idealisation without even noticing.
How They Change You
Here’s a personal example:
People around me used to call me shy. For years, I believed I was just that quiet person.
But the truth is, I wasn’t always like that. As a kid, I was energetic and social. Then something changed — I still don’t know exactly what — but suddenly, I couldn’t even talk to one person a month.
Today, I love being around people. I enjoy small talk. I like making others laugh. It genuinely makes me happy to brighten someone’s day.
So why was I so shy back then?
Because growing up, I constantly heard things like:
- “You’re annoying.”
- “You’re ugly.”
- “You’re stupid.”
- “You’re antisocial.”
- “You’re the devil of this family.”
When you hear things like that long enough, you begin to avoid people, not because you dislike them, but because you assume they’ll say the same things.
That’s how I slowly became someone I wasn’t. And that’s just one example.
This happens to so many people. We adjust ourselves based on what we’re told — often without realizing it.
The trick is:
Are you changing something that makes you happy, or something that makes others more comfortable?
Why So Many of Us Feel Stuck
A lot of us feel unhappy because we spend our days doing things we don’t even like. Jobs we don’t care about. Responsibilities that don’t align with our values.
For example, I worked with my family for years. They’re good people, but I felt boxed in. I wasn’t using my creativity —I was just doing tasks they didn’t want to do. I learned how strong I was, sure. But I couldn’t thrive.
Things I’ve Learned About Myself
Here’s what I’ve discovered along the way: -You can work on your list, too if you feel like I felt back then.
- I love math and science (even if I’ve got catching up to do)
- I’m not “the devil”—I am just a normal person like everyone else.
- I like making jokes a loooot 😀
- I enjoy helping others, but not at the cost of myself
- I’m not religious, and that’s not a crime.
- I like cooking healthy food (even if I’m terrible at it 😅)
- I love biking, swimming, running, and being silly.
- I like drawing weirdly funny comics, learning languages, and obsessing over new music
- I want to start an energetic company -like a climbing wall, and bike roads in it 😀 – we can create amazing things for every living being while enjoying life.
- I love animals, reading, and being around positive, curious people
The more I do things from the list, the happier I feel. The less I do, the more bitter I become. And I believe it’s the same for everyone.
So… Now What?
The list shows that the “me” I want to be is very different from the one I’ve been. That means we need an action plan to turn someone I want to be. But How?
How does someone:
- Study math and physics from scratch
- Build a business
- Draw comics
- Learn coding
- Improve English and German
- Train like an athlete
- Care for animals
- Write a blog
- Cook, clean, and stay sane
…all at the same time?
Seems impossible, right? But I’m going to try.
Maybe not all at once. Maybe not perfectly.
But for the first time, I believe I can build a life shaped by my own desires, not someone else’s idea of a “perfect” life.
The first step is this blog. I’ll be posting once a week, starting today. That’s all. When this becomes easy, I’ll build next thing on top of this.
No rush, no hurry. My life didn’t fall apart in one day and It won’t come back together in one day either. The key is passion. Which I believe I’ve got plenty of that.
Thanks for reading.
If any of this sounds familiar, I hope you stick around.
Let’s build better us —together.
—Kutay