When I was younger, I believed being nice and fair was enough. We were raised to share with the unfortunate, and those values were talked about every morning at the breakfast table. I adopted them without hesitation.
But no one ever talked about how nice other people were—or weren’t.
Fast forward to adulthood. Every self-help book says: “Be yourself.” So I tried. After a lot of trial and error, I became someone who could accept myself. I thought amazing years were ahead of me with this “open heart” mantra.
And it was amazing… at first.
But over time, I realized something: when you’re open and kind without any kind of defense, some people will use that to get you. And they’ll get you bad.
Here’s a hard truth I had to face: We’re a selfish species. Just to live, we have to destroy other life, from cabbage to chicken. You can call them food, but they were alive once. That “me first” instinct is part of us. What changes is how people express it. Some act with empathy. Others? With manipulation or cruelty.
Not everyone deserves your openness. That’s not pessimism—it’s survival.
While people often criticize those who wear “masks,” no one considers why they do it in the first place. Maybe it’s not fear of vulnerability. Maybe it’s experience. Maybe it’s because the world isn’t full of angels.
There are scammers, liars, rapists, and cheats right alongside volunteers, lawyers, and dreamers. And in some cultures, scamming is even seen as a clever achievement.
When you’re honest and open with people like that, guess what happens?
Let me give you a real example.
I moved recently. I agreed on a price with a moving company—$4,000. I sent them all the photos they asked for. But when they showed up, they raised the price to $6,000. Their excuse? Miscommunication. But the truth? They knew I was out of time and options, and they took full advantage of my trust. They played their game, knowing I had no choice but to agree.
If I had been a stone-cold lawyer, would they have tried that? No way.
And that’s what opened my eyes. Some people don’t see openness as a virtue—they see it as weakness. A leak they can take advantage of.I don’t want to lose my kind side; I love being open and smiling with all my heart.
So the question is: how can we stay kind and open, without becoming a doormat?
I believe that’s a skill. A life skill. One that no one teaches you. Warns you about, and it’s an important one.
Especially, you are trying to build something, which means learning to set firm boundaries is a must. Reading people before opening up to them, knowing how much to share with each individual.
I’m naturally open and enthusiastic—it’s something I’ve worked hard to develop. But I’ve come to realize I also need to educate myself in areas like negotiation, communication, and human psychology if I want to maintain that without being affected by others.
The trick is staying generous with those who deserve it—and guarded with those who don’t. It’s not about becoming hard or double-faced. It’s about being smart, so you can stay kind to good ones.
So, I bought some books. A lot, actually. Negotiation, body language, psychology. I’m officially in training to become a kind, smiling badass. I want to keep being open, but now with a firewall. The goal? To be the kind of person who can bake cookies for her neighbors and also politely tell a scammer to step on a dog shit. Balance, baby.
If you want to create something meaningful in this world, you’ll have to deal with people who want a piece of it. Or all of it. So be good. Be smart. And when needed, be ruthless with the ruthless.
That’s the education life gave me this year, and I’ve learned my lesson. I’m going to share these lessons here with the tag “Alone Walker’s Guide – People Skills” hashtag.
Bring a coffee along, it’s going to be a fun one. And don’t forget to offer me some coffee too! 😀
Loves.
Kutay.